Mars Miniatures

Mars Miniatures

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Radagast's Moving Castle, An Oldhammer Children's Adventure Tale

Buddies, this next post is not in response to the latest GW Warhammer children's Adventure books announcement. 
OK, you got me, maybe it is...

You know how we love to "weave in" current world events into our Frankenstein-ian  patchwork narrative.
Next thing you know, President Turin Turambar will meet with North Cathay to declare that the wargames are over! 
Then famed BloodBowl Dark Elf player of the Drowland Pistons - Dennis Rod-Elf ends up crying manly (or elfy?) tears of joy on Sigmar TV...
Ah what a wacky world!  (I meant ours, not my fiction!  Did ya hear? GW is making PC children's books...?)

OK, on to our lovely little story!
(Somewhere Mr Rogers and Miss Molly are watching in horror!)


(all kids chant together)  Yay!  Story time is here!

Narrator:  Gather round kids, and I will tell you a tale of Oldhammery times.  This one is called....  anyone?

(all kids chant together)  Radagast's Moving Castle!

Narrator:  Thats right, kids!  And who is Radagast?

(all kids chant together) Worst wizard in Middle Earth!

Narrator:  He really is a terrible person isnt he?  Next time we see him, we will throw rocks at his face!

(all kids chant together)  Yay! 

Narrator:  So... Count Marius and his Averlanders, the Ice Queen and her Kislevites arrived in Rhosghobel - the home of Radagast the Brown...

At the same time that Marius and the Ice Queen arrived, so did a monk, a cleric, a priest, two cultists, and a hammer-nun. 

Rhosghobel was a blue and yellow and stone grey colored Wizard's home - with an attached high tower and ivy growing 'round its windows and three green doors.

Behind it was a great thick forest - Mirkwood, full of giant spiders and mischievous elves.
To the left of the house was a red-leafed Weirwood Tree with a creepy bleeding face on its tree trunk.
And to the right was a Willow Tree with its swaying branches though there was no wind, and a small pond where no animals dared to drink.

'Radagast, come out!' they said.
But no one came out, nor peeked out a window.

Marius was mad.  Emotionally, I mean.  Because he was also cat-lady
crazy insane as well.
And the Ice Queen was icy. Temperature-aly, I mean.  Because well... she did have an icy demeanor.  Everyone backed away as the area around her suddenly got really chilly.  Her poor horse even had icicles hanging down from its nose.

'Radagast!  We are here for the Annual North-South Potato-Sack Race Tournament!  Surely you havent forgotten that?!'  they demanded.
But no reply came out and not a head peeked out an ivy ringed window.

So they were mad.

'We are mad!'  they said.

Poindexter, Lieutenant of Averland, spotted some people coming up the road to Rhosghobel.

'Stop! What are you homeless people doing here?  There are important things happening here and you filthy beggars arent allowed to participate!'  Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their faces.

'But Sir, we are not beggars or homeless, we are here for the Annual Whip Your Back With A Flail For The Orphans Benefit!'  they tried to reason.

'If you arent homeless then why do you wears rags and have no shoes?'  Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their suddenly self-conscious dirty toes wriggling on the grass.

'But Sir, we are a Mendicant Order.  It is our duty to wear sack cloth and not wear shoes.'  they explained.

'What is this Mendicant?'  Poindexter asked.

'It comes from the root word mendicus, meaning to beg, begging, beggar...  Umm... I guess we are beggars then."  the monks shrugged and weakly nodded their heads in surrender.

The Ice Queen and Count Marius came to see what the trouble was.

'Ahh, beggars!'  Count Marius and the Ice Queen said, 'Perfect!  This is a Wizard's home and who knows what protection spells are placed upon it, I dare not risk one of my soldiers to knock on the front door.  You peasants will do it for us.  Go see if Radagast is home or not.'

The front door of Rhosghobel.

The side door that goes to the Wine Cellar.

The back door that goes to the Tower.
Ooh and look at the little park bench and drive-thru window!
And beside the green door is... a Quidditch broom!

The Tower, where the Wizards Study is located.

This is a terrain piece from...  anyone?


So Poindexter of the Accusing Finger and an axe wielding Kislevite were tasked to "help" one of the beggars complete his task of knocking on a door.

But which door to knock on?

The Tower Door?
The Cellar Door?

No, the Front Door, of course, thats where a proper visitor would knock.

And with an accussing finger pointed at one side of his head, and an axe on the other, Brother Maynard knocked on the door and....

Brother Maynard... gone.

Poindexter, the axe-y Kislevite... gone.
Count Marius, the Ice Queen... gone.
Everyone... gone.
Rhosghobel itself was... gone.

Only the Weirwood Tree with its red leaves, and the Willow Tree with its little pond remained.
But suddenly there came a sound...  a snorting sound...
and then... the clomp clomp clomp of heavy booted feet!

'Uh, Where'd they go, boss?'  said a Mordor Uruk, sniffing the air for a clue.

'Its ancient magic, I bet Radagast didnt even have a clue his home was a Moving Castle...' mused the Lord of Darkness. 'No matter.  We press onwards!'

'But we is starvin' boss!  The boys havent had meat since Cair Andros!'  complained the Uruk.

'I hear Stunties are in season in Moria...' said the Wraith.

'Meats back on the menu, boys!  Lets go get some beardlings!'


Alrighty, kids, there's your story time for today...

Romper, bomper, stomper boo. 
Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. 
Magic Mirror, tell me today, 
did all my friends have fun at play?

So if you had a special day today, let me know in the comments!

Where did Rhosghobel and everyone disappear to?
Bree?  Moria?  Island #3?
Stay tuned to find out!

I know Ive been saying it for sooo long now, but...

Dwarf Quest #3 is coming, so is Battle of Bree, and Moria too!
Things will wrap up nice and tidy.
I still dont know if this blog will end in tragedy or victory.
We will find out together, soon enough!



  1. I don't give a shizzle what fan boys say- i have a lot of these guys and despite being relatively simple and often having a lot of flash they are a million times better than more modern "monkey-Hulk" miniatures.

    1. Well, I look at it like say... rock music.
      I love the new technicality of bands like Elder (Reflections of a Floating World is amazing).
      But that doesnt mean I cant also like old school Heavy Metal like Dio, Maiden, or Saxon, despite the crudeness.
      In the same way, I do admire the quality of sculpts in our era of Age Of Sigmar.
      But I still love me some Pre-Slotta minis too!
      In our increasingly partisan polarization of all things...
      I love all eras of Warhammer.
      Please vote for me in the next election, thank you.