Radagast's Moving Castle, An Oldhammer Children's Adventure Tale

Buddies, this next post is not in response to the latest GW Warhammer children's Adventure books announcement. 
OK, you got me, maybe it is...

You know how we love to "weave in" current world events into our Frankenstein-ian  patchwork narrative.
Next thing you know, President Turin Turambar will meet with North Cathay to declare that the wargames are over! 
Then famed BloodBowl Dark Elf player of the Drowland Pistons - Dennis Rod-Elf ends up crying manly (or elfy?) tears of joy on Sigmar TV...
Ah what a wacky world!  (I meant ours, not my fiction!  Did ya hear? GW is making PC children's books...?)

OK, on to our lovely little story!
(Somewhere Mr Rogers and Miss Molly are watching in horror!)


~~~


(all kids chant together)  Yay!  Story time is here!

Narrator:  Gather round kids, and I will tell you a tale of Oldhammery times.  This one is called....  anyone?

(all kids chant together)  Radagast's Moving Castle!

Narrator:  Thats right, kids!  And who is Radagast?

(all kids chant together) Worst wizard in Middle Earth!

Narrator:  He really is a terrible person isnt he?  Next time we see him, we will throw rocks at his face!

(all kids chant together)  Yay! 


Narrator:  So... Count Marius and his Averlanders, the Ice Queen and her Kislevites arrived in Rhosghobel - the home of Radagast the Brown...

At the same time that Marius and the Ice Queen arrived, so did a monk, a cleric, a priest, two cultists, and a hammer-nun. 

Rhosghobel was a blue and yellow and stone grey colored Wizard's home - with an attached high tower and ivy growing 'round its windows and three green doors.

Behind it was a great thick forest - Mirkwood, full of giant spiders and mischievous elves.
To the left of the house was a red-leafed Weirwood Tree with a creepy bleeding face on its tree trunk.
And to the right was a Willow Tree with its swaying branches though there was no wind, and a small pond where no animals dared to drink.

'Radagast, come out!' they said.
But no one came out, nor peeked out a window.

Marius was mad.  Emotionally, I mean.  Because he was also cat-lady crazy insane as well.
And the Ice Queen was icy. Temperature-aly, I mean.  Because well... she did have an icy demeanor.  Everyone backed away as the area around her suddenly got really chilly.  Her poor horse even had icicles hanging down from its nose.

'Radagast!  We are here for the Annual North-South Potato-Sack Race Tournament!  Surely you havent forgotten that?!'  they demanded.
But no reply came out and not a head peeked out an ivy ringed window.

So they were mad.

'We are mad!'  they said.

Poindexter, Lieutenant of Averland, spotted some people coming up the road to Rhosghobel.

'Stop! What are you homeless people doing here?  There are important things happening here and you filthy beggars arent allowed to participate!'  Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their faces.

'But Sir, we are not beggars or homeless, we are here for the Annual Whip Your Back With A Flail For The Orphans Benefit!'  they tried to reason.

'If you arent homeless then why do you wears rags and have no shoes?'  Poindexter pointed his accusing finger at their suddenly self-conscious dirty toes wriggling on the grass.

'But Sir, we are a Mendicant Order.  It is our duty to wear sack cloth and not wear shoes.'  they explained.

'What is this Mendicant?'  Poindexter asked.

'It comes from the root word mendicus, meaning to beg, begging, beggar...  Umm... I guess we are beggars then."  the monks shrugged and weakly nodded their heads in surrender.

The Ice Queen and Count Marius came to see what the trouble was.

'Ahh, beggars!'  Count Marius and the Ice Queen said, 'Perfect!  This is a Wizard's home and who knows what protection spells are placed upon it, I dare not risk one of my soldiers to knock on the front door.  You peasants will do it for us.  Go see if Radagast is home or not.'

The front door of Rhosghobel.

The side door that goes to the Wine Cellar.

The back door that goes to the Tower.
Ooh and look at the little park bench and drive-thru window!
And beside the green door is... a Quidditch broom!

The Tower, where the Wizards Study is located.

This is a terrain piece from...  anyone?

Ziterdes!

So Poindexter of the Accusing Finger and an axe wielding Kislevite were tasked to "help" one of the beggars complete his task of knocking on a door.

But which door to knock on?

The Tower Door?
The Cellar Door?

No, the Front Door, of course, thats where a proper visitor would knock.

And with an accussing finger pointed at one side of his head, and an axe on the other, Brother Maynard knocked on the door and....

....vanished!
Brother Maynard... gone.
Poindexter, the axe-y Kislevite... gone.
Count Marius, the Ice Queen... gone.
Everyone... gone.
Rhosghobel itself was... gone.

Only the Weirwood Tree with its red leaves, and the Willow Tree with its little pond remained.
But suddenly there came a sound...  a snorting sound...
and then... the clomp clomp clomp of heavy booted feet!

'Uh, Where'd they go, boss?'  said a Mordor Uruk, sniffing the air for a clue.

'Its ancient magic, I bet Radagast didnt even have a clue his home was a Moving Castle...' mused the Lord of Darkness. 'No matter.  We press onwards!'

'But we is starvin' boss!  The boys havent had meat since Cair Andros!'  complained the Uruk.

'I hear Stunties are in season in Moria...' said the Wraith.

'Meats back on the menu, boys!  Lets go get some beardlings!'


~~~~~


Alrighty, kids, there's your story time for today...

Romper, bomper, stomper boo. 
Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. 
Magic Mirror, tell me today, 
did all my friends have fun at play?

So if you had a special day today, let me know in the comments!

Where did Rhosghobel and everyone disappear to?
Bree?  Moria?  Island #3?
Stay tuned to find out!

I know Ive been saying it for sooo long now, but...

Dwarf Quest #3 is coming, so is Battle of Bree, and Moria too!
Things will wrap up nice and tidy.
I still dont know if this blog will end in tragedy or victory.
We will find out together, soon enough!

Cheers,
Mar

Armoured Orcs Of Barad-Dur

We got some hard hittin' minis here.

Uruks of Mordor AKA Black Orcs are now on the blog...

Its proper old school minis from Citadel Code: C15 Armoured Orcs.

They previously existed as FTO - Fantasy Tribes Orcs.

I believe they were sculpted by the Perry Twins, but I cant find any confirmation about that.

Here they are, ready to rumble.
Looks like "Lord of Darkness" Wraith has come up with them from Barad-Dur.

They are huge but not cartoonishly huge like the 90s orcs and onwards.
They look 'eavy and seem happily intent on beating you down... then maybe even eating you afterwards!

For the Orc on the right, I think I did a good job of freehanding that scorpion symbol on his shield.
Freehanding isnt my forte, but that one is good enough.
What?! You didnt know it was a scorpion until I said so?  For shame.

That one on the left has a cool helmet that makes me think of the Orcs in the old 70's Lord of the Rings animation (Bakshi with his rotoscoping).

They look savage and beautiful! 
Its something about the posing too.
Again, these fellas look like they would have no qualms about taking a bite or two out of their enemies (even) during the combat.
They'd just call it appetizers!

The one on the left has some severed heads on his belt, snacks for later!
Its rare for an orc to think about saving for the future... now thats a forward-thinking orc.

Look at those poses!
These guys are precious to me. Precious.

So, they are off!
Hunting man-flesh all the way up from Gondor.
First it was armored humies in black and yellow armor.
They followed them, shadowed them up the Anduin.
The boys waited, maybe more would show up... and they did.
There came another small troop of soft clothy ones.
Still the boys waited... 
Then some cold northers arrive with their haughty Queen!
Good for a cold dessert they says.
And now they are just about to pounce on the lot of 'em and feast on their flesh!
Ah, good times for the Orcs.

Next Post:   Radagast's Moving Castle  (For real this time!)

Cheers,
Mar

Armaments Chapter 2, verses nine to twenty one

Today we have for your viewing pleasure...  some monks.
And a nun.

Half of them come from the Citadel Clerics line.
Clerics, monks, priests, men of the cloth, what have you...
and dont forget the battle sister!

And Saint Antila raised the hand grenade up on high saying, "Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it though mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy."

Here they are, ready and willing to cast some Purify Food & Drink, Protection from Evil, or maybe a Silence 15' Radius?


And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and the sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chunks of—"

Left to Right: Brother Maynard, Saint Ogg

Brother Maynard is a monk from Citadel Code TL1.
Thats right!  Talisman - The Magical Quest Game.
Remember, he cant use an axe in combat, but he can use it to build a raft!

Saint Ogg is from the Citadel C03 Clerics line.

I like how they both are in the act of blessing someone or something.
They also remind me of japanese girls taking pictures with their V for victory hands.

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the holy pin, then, shalt thou count to three; no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three." 

 Left to Right: Red Robert, Rodrigo Luna

While both of these guys are from the C03 Cleric line as well, previously they were from the old Box Set known as RR16 - Disciples of the Red Redemption.
And their banner has some Moon worship theme to it.
Hmm, so are they evil clerics then?
Well, maybe they reformed and saw the light of Sigmar.
Throw some holy water on them and they are fine.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn
 

Left to Right: Big John Paesan, Sister Beatrice

Big John is a 90s Warrior Priest of Sigmar, maybe 2000's?
At any rate, we dont discriminate here, he is also welcome to join the fun.
Especially with that giant hammer he is carrying.

And we have seen Sister Beatrice on the blog before, as the (once) caretaker of an unfortunate orphanage in Bree.
Apparently, she went South to the Ecclesiarchy in Gondor and is coming back with some of her big brothers.
Big John especially seems intent on hammer-smashing anyone who even looks in Sister Beatrice's direction.
Imagine what he will do to the Greenskins who burned down her orphanage?
Now someone's in trouble...

(locks door) Now you'se cant leave.  

~~~~~

Seems certain that these guys will run into Count Marius and the Ice Queen doesnt it?
But before that happens, we got one more post of baddies...

Cheers,
Mar

Kislev and Averland Share The Road To Eriador

In this post, we got the Ice Queen of Kislev and the Count of Averland along with their retinues.

The Kislevites have come from the far north and are coming down on the eastern side of the Misty Mountains.
With all the trouble around Angband (massive armies of Undead and Orcs), they had to take the long way around.
The Averlanders, on the other hand, are coming up from the south following the Anduin River.
They meet on the road and eye each other suspiciously.
Its the old Northerner and Southerner rivalry.
Will they parley or draw weapons?

 The Kislevites are searching for Bree.

The North has come... and with it the power of Ice and Snow.
Winter is coming... oh, its already here.

 Its the Ice Queen of Kislev, Queen Katarina!
Not to be confused with the other Ice Queen, Freya who was the other fairest of them all.
Or the other, other Ice Queen, the White Witch, Jadis of Narnia.
Or the Snow Queen, Elsa, Bard of Clan Dis-Ney.
What is with all these "cold weather" broads anyway?

 Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway

 Kislev is in the Ice Bay of Forochel, far to the north of Middle Earth.
The Ice Queen has the ring of Barahir, for she is descended from the ancient chiefs of the Lossoth whom it was given to by Arvedui last king of Arthedain, an ancestor of Aragorn.

 King Arvedui gave it as a token of good faith to the Ice People in exchange for help and food when he was lost in the North.
Unfortunately he never made it back home as his ship was lost at sea in a storm.

 So the Lossoth kept the ring, for such a time that the Royal family of Arthedain returns.
It is said that the legal bearer of this ring would be able to hear elven lords and ladies at great distance with only their minds!
Will the elves come to honor the old alliance.
Well, the ring must get to Aragorn first...

The Averlanders have come to fight for Bree!

Count Marius the Mad Count of Averland.

Do you hear the voices too?
No its not the Chaos Gods, its just plain old schizophrenia!

But the Count of Averland is not just mad, he is mad with a purpose!
He is an accomplished swordsman and has a great mind for military tactics.

Count Marius has fought enemy armies that outnumber his many times over.
At the Hot Gates, his personal bodyguard of 300 fought a million Easterlings while screaming "This is Averland!"

At Ork's Drift, The Ala-Mo, and many other Last Stands, the Count was always there at the forefront and somehow survived them all.

The last rumor of his death was at Black Fire Pass, and yet again he has escaped the hands of Death and survived.

He has heard of the impossible battle for Bree and was last seen heading West to Eriador.

The Rulers of Averland and Kislev have come to an agreement to share the road to Bree.
But first since they are close to Rhosghobel, they will visit the Wizard Radagast and see if he has news about current events.
Little do they know that Radagast is already fighting for his life in Bree (along with the last remnants of humanity in Eriador).

Count Marius:  In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So death created time to grow the things it would kill.

Ice Queen Katarina:  I just want you to stop saying odd shit.  Like you smell a psycho's fear or you're in someones faded memory of a town.  Just stop.


~~~~~

Coming up in the next post:  Radagast's Moving Castle!

Cheers,
Mar