The battle for the prison camp continues...
Kano tells Bortai to find the prisoners and get them to the choppa. Vovorlaka menacingly descends from above.
Bortai: *to the hobbit scouts* Lets take the long way around. Kano can fight his Darth Mauls.
The hobbit with a mystery Potpie nods and goes with her. But the other scout who Bomb-Pie'd the tower decides to heroically (or foolishly) stay behind and volunteers to squire for Kano.
Vovorlaka: I thought this was an AAR, but its an origin story. You need people like me so you can point your fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." So... what that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy!
As Kano advances on Vovorlaka, Mantis jumps out of the shadows and a furious and deadly match of slashing steel blades begins. Vovorlaka smiles at the Hobbit Scout and turns toward him.
Hobbit Scout: *gulps* Perhaps, I should have left with Bortai.
Bortai and the mystery pie-wielding Hobbit scout make it to the Hobbit House. Bortai sees Orcs and approach from north and east and snap shots at them. Two more Orcs are down for the count.
Bortai: Hey hobbit! do you think the prisoners are locked in that house?
The Hobbit Scout clears his throat and begins singing a verse:
"Hobbits of Harlech, stop your dreaming,
Cant you see their spearpoints gleaming,
see their warrior pendants streaming,
To this battlefield."
Then faintly at first then growing louder a choir of hobbit voices rises from the hobbit house:
"Hobbits of Harlech, stand ye ready,
It cannot be ever said ye,
For the battle were not ready,
Hobbits never yield."
Hobbit Scout Master Hotpie: Huzzah, fellow halflings! Dont you know a jailbreak when you hear one?! It is I, Scout Master Hotpie with some heroes to rescue you lads! And Ive brought some food, some of my secret recipe Hotpies to fortify you lot for the trip to the exfiltration point!
Hobbits in captivity: Huzzah! Scout Master Hotpie! Heroes! Rescue! FOOD! For the Shire!
Stroika is mobbed by Orcs. At least they arent heading towards Bortai and the hobbit house. She will buy them some time to get out of here.
Stroika: Kislev for the Kislevites! They say Charlie dont surf, but Charlie is back and Im taking names! Prepare to meet the wrath of the Iron Curtain!
Orc: You think you can frighten me assassin? I was raised by wargs. My village all died in a plague when I was a baby.
Bortai: Come out Orc! Show me your ass! I mean hands!
Scout Master Hotpie: Why did you say that?
Bortai: I get nervous in these situations.
The Orc promptly lowers his trousers and moons the heroes.
And Stroika is brought low, but at least she took out another Orc. Stabbbed in the back. Et tu brute?
Kano finally slays Mantis. Now for Vovorlaka, that poor silly Hobbit wont last long against him.
Kano finds the Hobbit already slain. Vengeance is Kano's song now. Prepare for oblivion, foul bloodleech!
Hellgirl Luka and Tomb King Mummy Ra attack Sir Solaire
Solaire: Get behind me my friends, I will tank these villains!
Goldberry and Alpha hold the narrow pass and they crush the Orcs there. But out of the eastern canyon entrance Bugbears come a-bushwhacking. Should have saved a Bomb-Pie to rockslide that canyon. Too late now.
Goldberry: Hold your ground heroes! Ice witch, that teleport spell better be coming along... because its getting spicy over here.
"Ambush in the night
All guns aiming at me
Ambush in the night
They opened fire on me now
Ambush in the night
Protected by his majesty
Ooh-wee, ooh-wee. Ooh-wa-ooh!
(Ooh-wee) Ooh-wee, ooh-wee (ooh-wa), Ooh-wa!
Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, ooh wa-oh!
Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, ooh wa-ah!"
Rattlebones takes a stand against 3 Orcs.
Rattlebones: None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!.
Hellgirl Luka is slain, blasted by Zoltar's Fireball spells and sliced by Solaire. The mummy attacks Zoltar in retaliation.
The Orc Chief is closing in from the north.
"Her name is Luka
She lives on the second floor
She lives upstairs from you
Yes, I think you've seen her before
If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was"
And Kano slays Vovorlaka.
Vovorlaka: Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world, to not know why you're here. That's - that's just an awful feeling. Now that we know who you are hero, I know who I am. Im not a mistake, it all makes sense. You know how in the stories you can tell who the archvillain is gonna be? He is the exact opposite of the hero and most times theyre friends like you and me. You cant kill me, Im your origin story!
Kano takes out a prayer book and some anti-vampiric symbols. He says a few prayers, beheads Vovorlaka, cuts him into pieces, sets him on fire, then finally scatters the ashes.
Kano: Hmmm, I wonders if thats enough to kill it?
A mist rises from the ashes and flitters away into the sky. Kano will definitely see Vovorlaka again in the future.
Bortai and Scout Master Hotpie break the lock of the Hobbit House's cellar door.
And a jumble of Hobbits spill out. Half blind with hunger, fear, and being locked in the basement, their eyes squinting at the brightness of the outdoors. They are hungry, angry, and mean.
It has been surmised, that perhaps, the Hobbits had become like a wild animals that had been kept too long. Perhaps, but whatever... freedom... so long an unremembered dream, was theirs.
Turnips the Hobbit Witch: Bad form, I say! This is like wrangling wild cats! Ok Hobbits, lets show some dignity here. I know we've been locked up in that basement for a bit. But its time to get ourselves organized!
Hobbit Militia: *coming to attention and straightening themselves out* Yes Ma'am, Lady Turnip!
Turnips the Hobbit Witch and Bortai
Bortai catches the Hobbit witch up to speed with current events and the escape plan.
Turnips the Hobbit Witch: So, now we got to cross the entire board length to get to the exit zone?
Bortai: Yup. Scout Master Hotpie has some errr... Hotpies to feed your troops. Better eat up, we got a ways to go before we call this rescue complete.
Turnips the Hobbit Witch: Oh and you should know... the north cellblock is empty. The Dryad Entwives have already been taken to Mordor. Oh and the east cell block has a baby dragon. The Orcs have been cruel to it and are training it to be a war dragon. That nasty Hellgirl Luka has a whip of command to control it. Please release the dragon, so it can fly off to wherever it came from! Do the right thing, wont ya?
Bortai: So your saying we can control the dragon with this... whip of command?
Turnips the Hobbit Witch: I suppose you could. But I think we Hobbits would look at you "heroes" disapprovingly...
Bortai: Well, we cant have that, can we? I was just asking!
Scout Master Hotpie: Come and get it Hobbits! Its Din-Din time. Get your Hotpie here, folks. Form a line!
The Scout Master hands out food rations to hungry hobbits.
You call this slop? Real slop has chunks of things in it! This is more like gruel. And this Chateau le Blanc '68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled. This is room temperature. What do you think we are... animals?
In the distance Orcs are closing in from behind.
Orc: Stop! Thieves! We've been burgled!
The foodline continues...
Hungry Hobbit: How many portions of elderberry ice cream did you have?
The Orcs arrive and slay a Hobbit at the back of the line. The Hobbits begin to scramble over each other squealing to get away. One Hobbit that has already fed on Hotpies knocks out an Orc. Amazing what a difference a halfling Hotpie can do.
Time to run for the hills, lil buddies!
Zoltar sees a whip of command at Hellgirl Luka's belt
Wonder what thats for?
Hobbit Scout: Tieflings are a kinky lot, huh?
The Orc Chief bears down on Bortai, Kano, and Turnips the Hobbit Witch.
Kano: Get yourselves ready for battle! Im already tired from facing down two villains. Im going to need your guys help to bring this big brute down.
But before the Orc Chief can charge the heroes, Scout Master Hotpie and the Hobbit Militia take aim at the Orcs.
Stone them!
The Hobbits are tired of being bullied! No more! They take up their slings and pelt the Orc Chief and his assisstant, leaving him a bloody mess.
Bortai watches in horror at the sudden Hobbit savagery.
Never bully a Hobbit!
~~~
Next post: Conclusion to the Prison Camp Battle!
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