Mars Miniatures

Mars Miniatures

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The Mouth Of Sauron

The Mouth of Sauron has come to Bree!

This figure has the Citadel code:  ME-55  Mouth of Sauron, Evil Warrior Mage
Apparently, he has great knowledge of the Dark Arts.
Considering his master is the Dark Lord Sauron, I would say he is the envy of Dark Lord groupies the whole (Middle)Earth over.

Especially those precious snowflakes - the Death Eaters!

Even their Lord Voldemort is a fake wannabee Dark Lord.
The Mouth of Sauron is the real deal, who serves the true Dark Lord.
There is only one Dark Lord, and he is a giant Lidless Eye in Mordor that does not sleep!

Eddard Stark:  The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly!

The ambassador for the Black Lands of Mordor is here and he has been given the authority to deal with the humans of Eriador.
The deal is... submit to the Dark Lord of Mordor or die!

The Mouth is also the Lieutenant of Barad-Dur.
Barad-Dur of course is the Dark Tower, where Sauron resides in Mordor.
The Mouth might or might not be a few thousand years old.
Also, he is a Black Numenorian, which means he is kinda like Aragorn, but evil.
Think Elf and Dark Elf.
OK bad example, as I am pro-Dwarf and inclined to say that all Elves are indeed evil.

I always figured that the Mouth of Sauron got his name like an old school "wise guy".
Those mobsters always got names from some silly thing.
Like Vinnie "Car Wash", Jimmy "Gooch", or Joey "The Horse".
I figure in his youth, the Mouth of Sauron had a harmless first name like... Mikey.
But he was kinda talkative, so they called him Mikey "The Mouth".
Yup, that was his mob name.
Hey, fuhgeddaboudit!

 The fact that the Mouth of Sauron is accompanied by the Warriors of Chaos and an elite Hobgoblin unit shows the level of trust placed upon him by the Mordor High Command.

Chieftain Taklo Makan:  This Aragorn is known as Strider. He's supposed to be very good with a blade. But only in matters of business, or of some sort of reasonable complaint. His business is narcotics. He has the fields in Forlindon past the Grey Havens, where they grow the poppy. In the Riverlands, the Freys have the plant to process it into "milk of the poppy". He needs cash and he needs protection from the police for which he gives a piece of the action, I couldn't find out how much. The Karstark Family is behind him here in Bree so they have to be in it for something.

Mouth of Sauron: What about his prison record? 

Chieftain Taklo Makan:  Two terms, one in Angmar, and one in King's Landing.

Mouth of Sauron: Uthmog, what do you think?

Uthmog Elvenblade:  There's a lot of money in that drug stuff. 

Mouth of Sauron: Chief?

Chieftain Taklo Makan:  Well, I say yes. There is more money potential in narcotics than anything else we're looking at now. If we don't get into it, somebody else will, maybe one of the Five Families, maybe all of them. And with the money they earn they'll be able to buy more police and political power. Then they come after us. Right now we have the unions and we have the gambling and those are the best things to have. But narcotics is a thing of the future. If we don't get a piece of that action we risk everything we have. Maybe not now, but ten years from now.

Mouth of Sauron:   Then its decided, we go to war.  These things got to happen every couple of years.  

Uthmog Elvenblade:   Dont worry, boss, this Aragorn fella will soon be sleeping with the fishes... I'll make him an offer he cant refuse.

Mouth of Sauron:   Hey, fuhgeddaboudit...


Not sure exactly why this suddenly became a Mafioso thing, but some vengeance, or vendetta as its called in the old tongue is about to unfold on this blog.
No, thats not how it goes now, is it?
Oh! Its vendetta, in the ancient tongue. The art of kanly is still alive!
Ahhh, now its becoming an Arrakis Dune desert planet thing (which of course is just Godfather in space ;p)
Fluff wires getting crossed multi-dimensionally again.

On the bright side, there is nothing now in the way of a good old battle report or 5!
All miniatures for the Bree campaign are done!

Stay tuned true believers, War is Coming!!!!!!



  1. Warhammer
    Lord of the Rings
    Harry Potter
    Game of Thrones
    The Godfather

    Loving this!

    1. Ha! I didnt realize how many IPs got woven into this post.
      Oh and "fuggetaboudit" is from Donnie Brasco!

  2. Fantastic! Lovly classic minis.
    best regards

  3. Great looking figure that I had not seen before. I did not expect the turn in story, but now we know where Aragorn gets his income from.

    1. Well, according to the bad guys its all "narcotics" that those Dunedain Rangers are peddling. But "milk of the poppy" is a legitimate medical prescription that saves lives. Its FDA approved from the Maesters in Oldtown! :p

  4. Hahhaha Great stuff! So the real reason for The War Of The Ring is revealed...

    1. Mordor is waging a war for drugs, but Gondor is waging a war for black gold!
      Apparently Mordor and its surrounding allied nations are chock full of oil fields.
      What about the One Ring? Yup, a weapon of mass destruction.
      The present has taken root in the fictional past!