Mars Miniatures

Mars Miniatures

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Squat Trek Episode 1 - Forgotten Planet

Welcome dear readers of this Moria Reclamation Project to a "State of the Reclamation Address"

So, I have been alternating from working and feeling ill. I apologize for the lack of updates to this blog. Mostly, Im apologizing to my lil stunties who have been meditating in their storage cases waiting for the opportunity to hit the gaming table and the bright lights of a photoshoot. The wait is over, some new inhabitants are going to be making their entrance to this very blog. While the oldtimers arent part of the posts, the entire Moria populace came out anyway to witness the event.

To satisfy my need to do some sci-fi gaming, or sci-fantasy even, I had previously hinted that work had begun on a 54mm sci-fantasy side project that would exist as a sister blog, but Im sad to say that would require more time and effort that I just dont have at the moment. Plus, the Moria Project has far too much story to go through as it is! So, the solution?

Im going to bring some sci-fi right here on this blog... 

 that will involve stunties, 28mm, vintage citadel, and will continue to expand the blogs fluff 40 millenium into the future...

Thats right folks, I give you Moria 40,000!
Rogue Trader 1st edition Warhammer 40k.

This way I can tell the story of Moria from 2 vastly different time periods and opens up the possibility of past fluff events affecting future fluff events. Which means even more wierdness. Lord of the Rings meets Warhammer, Star Wars/Trek meets 40k, what a mess! Strangely enough, I was reading some Tolkien the other day and came across a fact I always knew about but never really mattered to me until now... Middle Earth was called Endor by the Elves. Damn you Lucas for putting Ewoks on one of the moons of Middle Earth! And damn me, for thinking that I will actually do it on this blog! Just joking... or am I?

So welcome to the pilot episode for Squat Trek!  Remember Dwarves are called Squats in the far future, and in space no one can hear you scream "continuity errors!"

State of the Union is over.
Roll out the episode...
Warp speed at my command!
In 3, 2, 1...

Left to Right: Engineer Scotty (with a Conversion Beamer!), Capt Khyrk, Paulie Atreides

"Stardate 43018
My name is Captain Khyrk, commander of the U.S.S. Entenmanns.  While on routine patrol of the Squat Homeworld Defense Perimeter, we were attacked by an unknown and hostile alien fleet that can only be described as... "tentacle-y".

In the center:  Science Officer Spokk (with a trusty Tri-corder)

" Reverse calculating their trajectory, our science officer Mister Spokk had determined the invaders are not from our galaxy, that they had come from the deep darkness of intergalactic space."

In the center: Yoga Master Kenobi

"The vastness of their fleet is beyond comprehension and had destroyed our own without effort.  The four greatest and mightiest of Squat ships were hastily assembled to combat against these aliens which the humans call "Tyranids".  We had decided to call this particular alien incursion as "Hive Fleet Om Nom Nom"."

In the center: Judge Dreddlock (with Hot-Shot Lasgun)

"The USS Pork Cracklins, the USS Mojito and the USS Heineken were all destroyed in the first minutes of the fight.  Only my ship was able to get away, but damaged reactors/failing life supports/hull breaches forced all survivors to abandon ship in the shuttles. "

In the center: Korben Dallas (with a Multipass!)

"The closest planet was a primitive feral planet that was not on any of our starmaps and had no humanoid lifeforms.  This planet was on the DMZ between Squat and Eldar space.  It was probably one of the Forgotten and Forbidden Planets."

Left to Right: Deckard, Roy Batty

"Upon crash landing, I counted 20 Squat survivors under my command.  We do not have the capability of sending messages to Squat HQ Command.  I can only hope my Captains Log transmissions will be picked up by some nearby starship and rescue might somehow reach us. "

In the Center: Kyle Reese

"Until then, I will explore this planet with my noble and courageous crew.
This is Captain Khyrk, over and out."

Survivors of the USS Entenmanns make planetfall and emerge from the wreckage.

Korben Dallas:  Did anyone think about bringing some of those delish Crumb Cakes from our lost USS Entenmanns?  Im hungry!

Yoga Master Kenobi: Or at least some Romulan Ale!

Korben Dallas: I thought Romulan Ale was against the law?
Judge Dreddlock:  AYYYyy  UMMMmm  DAAAAaa  LAWWWWww....

Korben Dallas: (pats Dredd on his helmet) Yeah, we know buddy.

Science Officer Spokk:  Captain,  Im reading some... readings.  Life forms are approaching...

Capt Khyrk:  Can... you... triangulate... on their position... Mr Spokk?

Science Officer Spokk:  I am getting signals in front and behind.  Fascinating!

Capt Khyrk:  There... they are!  Its... those... psychotic... Genestealers again!  They... must... have... followed us to this planet!

Capt Khyrk:  Fire... at.... will!

Engineer Scotty:  Bloody hell, Captain, are ya going to talk like that for the whole blog post?  No wonder Dr Bones chose to go down with the ship!

Capt Khyrk:  Fine!  I can talk normal, when I want to!  Anyone got any ideas?

Roy Batty:  Ive seen things you people wouldnt believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion...

Deckard:  (interrupting Roy Batty)  NOT NOW with your silly poem you dirty replicant!  Dont make me decommission you!!

Roy Batty:  But, but... tears in rain?  (bows head in sadness)

Science Officer Spokk: Well, Captain, we have a 97% chance of extinction if we stay out in the open.

Capt Khyrk: Never tell me the odds, Spokk.  Head for the rocks people!

Yoga Master Kenobi:  Bloody alien things, they are ruining my tea-time!  OH I should have chosen the darkside... a Sith Lightning spell could really come in handy right now!

Capt Khyrk:  OK!  Whew...  They seem to have backed off.  For the moment...  C'mon you stunties!  Lets go hiking up this way!

Our brave vertically challenged heroes leave behind the alien infested swamplands and cross over a strange rocky valley and find...

Capt Khyrk:  A ruins! Maybe we can make a base camp here?  First lets secure the perimeter!  All Squat squads fan out in quarters and search out 100 meters and circle back.

Korben Dallas:  Say again?  All after incinerators...
Capt Khyrk: I said I want you to lay down a suppressing fire and fall back by squad to the...

Korben Dallas:  (talking to his squad) Guys, the Capt wants us to oppress the incinerating choirs by the falls!

Capt Khyrk: Thats not what I said at all!  Who said incinerators?  I didnt mention those ever...

Korben Dallas:  (giggling) We got it Captain, over and out.

Science Officer Spokk:  Captain, with Engineer Scotty's help perhaps we can modify my Tricorder to receive interstellar communications?  We might be able to receive signals from Squat HQ!

Deckard:  Doesnt it disturb you that the very name of our race... "Squats" has become synonymous with extinction!?  As in I dont want to be squatted? Its beyond racist!

Korben Dallas:  Aww man, I shoulda been on vacation on Phloston Paradise, with an orange haired hotty!  Instead Im on this stinking alien infested planet...  probably about to go extinct... err... squatted with the rest of you... Squats.

Judge Dreddlock:  LAAAWWWwww?  

Korben Dallas: Yeah, I know... thanks buddy.

Kyle Reese:  Contact!  Alien forces have breached the ruins in the West!

A "red-shirt" Squat: OMG, they are here in the North sector too!

Judge Dreddlock:  LAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!

A "red-shirt" Squat:  Thanks Mr Dredd! 

Science Officer Spokk:  All squads reporting back that the Genestealers have retreated again.

Engineer Scotty:  There!  Ive done it!  We now have a radio signal from HQ!

Capt Khyrk:  Stabilize the signal and increase the volume!

"Emergency Broadcast System!  This is the President of the Federated Squat High Command.  An alien species has invaded our Homeworlds.  Our planets of Cragsfast, Bantamsword, and Stonehome have fallen to their vicious onslaught.  Only our Capital world of Goldenthrone remains, for now... Further communications may not be possible.  Save your energy, save yourselves!  Avoid the Squat Homeworlds at all costs... Farewell!"

The Squats take off their helmets and bow their heads.  Most sit in silence while some shed a tear or two as they hear the fate of their home planets.  Some Squats pat the shoulders of those whose planets are named.

Finally, Capt Khyrk takes out his communicator and speaks into it: 

Capt Khyrk:  "These are the last transmissions of the survivors of the starship Entenmanns.  Its 5 year mission, to explore strange new brews, to seek out the best restaurants and new bakeries, to boldly go where no squat has eaten before..."


 So there you have it!  The first "pilot" episode for Squat Trek.
Hope you enjoyed it, I have 2 more ideas for scenarios planned out, just waiting to be gamed and photo'd.  As you can see, Ive decided to tone down the rules aspect and concentrate on the fluff and narrative of how the game turns out.  Dont know if thats more interesting, then again maybe some readers like to know about whose guns were jammed by rolling doubles.  I probably should have have thrown in some of that info at least...  well, next game.

First of all, the figures... Capt Khyrk is a bad ass, better than the actual Kirk.  Why?  Look at him!  He's a space dwarf, with a beard and smoking a cigar!  The sculpts are great, half of them are Rogue Trader RT301 Space Dwarfs  and  the others are Iron Claw Squats, BUT I love all of them.  Oh and Capt Khyrk is the figure's actual name. This site has the proper names of all the figures in the range:

So lets talk about rules.  I dont have a copy of 40k 1st edition at the moment.  So what did I use?  Space Hulk 1st edition rules!  Those are original Genestealers too, to match.   Of course, its supposed to be in a confined area, so no surprise that the Squats dominated the open area at the start.  And in the end, there was only a smaller force of Stealers left.  So they were able to squash the aliens with no problem.  I just counted the various sundry Squat weapons as stormbolters.  Its that superior Squat technology!

Just to get the game going, I declared Scotty's Conversion beamer and all the plasma guns as flamers.  I need to find those rules, was it in the Genestealer supplement?  Or Deathwing?  At any rate I should find a copy of the Space Hulk Bible online, which I think was a Specialist Games compendium of Space Hulk rules.  

I totally forgot, I have the Old Citadel compendiums which has rules for using bolters and lasguns in 1st edition Fantasy.  So I can go that route also. So Oldhammer its pre-40k.  I could use the Lustria scenario "Rigg's Shrine" in there with amazons, vikings and space guns.  Hmm, its written by Richard Halliwell, the designer of Space Hulk.  It looks and reads like a AD&D module.

But I really enjoy Space Hulk rules, perhaps we should keep it. Its fast, simple, and fun.  Im just going to make a narrative campaign out of it.  I have a couple of White Dwarfs from the 80s with some Space Hulk scenarios as well, to draw inspiration from.

So Im not sure, if next post will be Squat Trek or Gimli and company in the Mines Of Madness adventure.  But both have the required painted figures and terrain for them ready to go.   Its just a matter of which one to game.  We will see...


Bonus feature: Soundtrack To This Post!
Music I listened to while playing the game...
Fates Warning - Awaken the Guardian
Elixir - The Son of Odin
Saxon - Saxon (1979)


  1. Great looking battle and funny report.

    I seem to recall that las guns and the like only rolled 1 dice - I think it was in Genestealer as they were used by the genestealer hybrids. So half the chance of a hit but no chance of a jam.

    How did you get on moving 20 squats without a grid? Did you play with a timer for the squats? That would have helped even things up a bit. What did you do about overwatch? 10 squats shooting at each individual moving genestealer doesn't sound like much fun for the genestealer player. I might be inclined to give the squats 3AP each and only let the guys with plasma guns go on overwatch.

  2. Anon,

    Thanks for that tip about Lasguns.
    Moving without the grid was not a problem. I used a measuring tape and converted squares to inches.
    Yes I used a timer, 3 minutes for 10 Squats, but since there were 20, I cut it that to 5 minutes. Pretty long, but still scary.
    The Overwatch was a lengthy process with a dozen Squats firing at a Stealer for every inch it moved! But that is what stopped the Squats from getting swamped. Not only did it save them from instant death, it made for the drama... watching those aliens sneaking closer and closer was frightening. I did use proper line of sight, no shooting through your own figures, so the Squats had to think about their formation. If I continue using a modified open terrain rules for Squat Hulk, the Stealers will need far more terrain to be a threat. Then again, I have things planned that will swing the balance of power back into alien hands... soon enough! There are fouler things than Genestealers in the long dark of Moria!

  3. Hilarious game and great scenery (love the purple cork things). Too many projects and not enough time is the perennial problem (I have at least 12 completely different projects I eannt to get done, from 54mm Waterloo to a Dwarven forge cavern system).