Chaos Warriors from Knightmare Minis

 Ladies and gentlemen may I present, for your intellectual and philosophical pleasure... Chaos Warriors from Knightmare Miniatures. More fine modern sculpts that have that Oldhammer aesthetic. I like having a Chaos warband that has worshippers across the wide spectrum of the Chaos Pantheon. It brings the chaos to the Chaos part of their name. 

For my campaign world, this particular warband is known as the Frostfang Ravagers. To the north of Angmar, beyond the Wall, past Craster's Keep in the Haunted Forest and even beyond the Fist of the First Men... there lies the Frostfang Mountains - home of many warbands of vicious and wicked Chaos Warriors. It is said strange structures rise in the horizon in the Lands of Always Winter. Who knows who built them and to what purpose. Some say the Giants from the skies of Old Night came down inside those things. Who knows? Even the Chaos Warriors do not speak of it! But something stirs in the North and has caused the Chaos Warriors to migrate south. The first to arrive in the lands below the Wall are these Frostfang Ravagers led by Lord Mysterion, Champion of Change. And his second in command - Lord Obscuro, Champion of War. Here they are climbing over the Wall, looking at which lands to pillage and raze in the name of their dark gods.

Left to Right: Lord Mysterion and a Chaos Warrior

Lord Mysterion is frightful and beastly in both close combat and in casting spells. His head has mutated into a miniature version of a Dark Young of Shub-Niggurath with eyes in every direction that can fire off spells much like an Eye Beast.

Lord Mysterion: I show up with a face full of tentacles and eyes. And people lose their shit. They think Im invincible. Who wouldnt use that to their advantage?

A pair of Chaos Warriors with various mutations: one has grasping tenctacles for an arm that can grab an anemy in place, and the other has a stretchy hand that can poke at an enemy from a distance.

The Gods of Chaos live up to their name. They are fickle and surprisingly chaotic. Those who worship them may become mighty champions with beneficial mutations, or they could become a mewling quivering puddle of gelatinous mass. 

Left to Right: Lord Obscuro and a Chaos Warrior with a crab claw mutation.

Lord Obscuro might be second in command, but all the Warriors of the Warband trust him because he is "the man with the plan". If anyone can figure out the enemy weakness, it will be evident to Lord Obscuro - to whom nothing is hidden. He is the super detective of the group. He has the power to nullify an opponent's ability or spell.

Lord Obscuro: Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent. It is my business to know what other people don't know.

These two Chaos Warriors also have beneficial mutations. One has a claw that can pierce armor and the other has antler horns that he uses to charge into battle.

~~~

So there we have the reinforcements for the forces of Chaos - with these Warriors and the Beastmen from last post. Im sure they will wreak some havoc in the civilized lands below the Wall.

The next post will have more undead champions from Reaper...

Cheers,

Mar

Beastmen from Knightmare Miniatures

Animals are such agreeable friends—they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms. - George Elliot

Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite? - Mr Blonde

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above,
Don't fence me in.
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love,
Don't fence me in.
Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze,
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees,
Send me off forever but I ask you please,
Don't fence me in.

~~~

On this post we got some Beastmen from Knightmare Miniatures, a company from Spain that produces some fine retro inspired miniatures with that 80s aesthetic that should please any Oldhammer fan. Unto some pics and some fluff...

Here is the group shot of our band of savage beasties! Despite their claws, fangs and tails... they are cute arent they? All they really want is a good belly rub, a scritch behind the ear, and a little boop to the snoot.

Left to Right: Bazza, Dr. Morostro, Sleeslak

Bazza is a batman, but not "the" Batman.. Dr Morostro is the Law Say-er of the warband and was once human but used alchemical potions to turn himself into a beastman to be with the animals whose rights he championed all his life. Sleeslak would in time, become the ancestor of a race of reptillians in a land of the lost.

Dr. Morostro: Not to go on all-Fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?

Sleeslak: Marshall, Will, and Holly
On a routine expedition
Met the greatest earthquake ever known.
High on the rapids
It struck their tiny raft.
And plunged them down a thousand feet below.
To the Land of the Lost.

Dr. Morostro: Am I a doctor? Im more of a vet.

Bazza: Ping, ping, ping... ping.

Sleeslak: Buddy, your sonar is sounding.

Left to Right: Jamper, Hondo, Codo

Jamper is a spiderman, but not "the" Spider-Man. Hondo the Hound is the right-hand man errr. I mean hound of Dr Morostro. Codo is a croco-gator.

Codo: Every other day I got a gator on my lawn
Well you dropped your groceries in the kitchen sink
Went to work and made the bathroom stink, come on, come on
Every other day I got a gator on my lawn

Hondo: Instinct and reason... what is reason to a dog? To hunt. To kill. To run with the pack. Awwwoooo....

Left to Right: Walro, Simi, Drax

Walro: Sitting on a corn flake, waiting for the van to come. Corporation t-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday. Man you've been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long. I am the egg man, They are the egg men. I am the Walrus. Goo goo g'joob! 

Simi: I think I'm so educated and I'm so civilized
'Cause I'm a strict vegetarian
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation
And the crazy politicians
I don't feel safe in this world no more
I don't want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an apeman
I'm an apeman, I'm an ape, apeman, oh I'm an apeman
I'm a King Kong man, I'm a voodoo man, oh I'm an apeman
'Cause compared to the sun that sits in the sky
Compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies I am an apeman

Drax: Are we in a musical? Why are we all singing?

Simi: Tell me, humans. Why you make the pain, if we are your children.

~~~

So there is another villain warband for our heroes to fight. But I dont know... I almost dont want them to fight our heroes now. They got good songs... Kinks, Tom Petty, Beatles, and that version of "Dont Fence Me In" will be David Byrne's off of the Red Hot & Blue compilation, thank you very much. And if you dont know it, for shame! Listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJV_MOwas7s&list=PLUipMnVM0esidG1EGtFC8anLlPJzlP09m&index=11

But seriously, I dont think I can fight them now that I gave them a little fluff. :p

Cheers,

Mar

Inter-Team Socializing & New Backdrops for Photoshoots

 Got some new backdrops that are printed and stretched over a canvas frame. I thought I would take a few test pics to try them out. And put out a little more character fluff for the blog.

Left to Right: Mortimer the Brown, Balthazar the Blue

A meeting of Istari Wizards. They are old chums from Hogwarts days, and now they lead adventuring teams into high conflict zones around Middle Earth. Mortimer is from the Fellowship Reborn. Balthazar is from the Guardians of Gondor.

Mortimer the Brown: Hail, Mortimer...

Balthazar the Blue: Actually, I thought it would be partly cloudy with a chance of an afternoon drizzle, myself. But what do I know. I failed my meteorologicomancy classes, back in the day, if you remember.

Mortimer the Brown: *looks unfazed* Hello, Mortimer. Have you assembled your new team? I heard you conscripted Malekith the Anti-Paladin. Is that wise?

Balthazar the Blue: Oh we just finished dungeon training. They will be adequate for low to mid level jobs, I think. And the Anti-Pally is no problem. I got Karnov the Barbarian to keep him in check.

Mortimer the Brown: Karnov? Of the line of Canor the Barbarous? Thats good. How did you manage to get him to join up?

Balthazar the Blue: I got a valkyrie from Rohan on the team. Thats how. How goes it with your team? Next gig is up in Moria, eh? That place is a meatgrinder...

Mortimer the Brown: I got a bad feeling about this one, all right. I mean, I got a bad feeling. I dont think Im gonna make it out of there. I was just telling Poppy the other day who found a strange shiv on the ground... Y'all take a good look at this shiv. Remember what it looks like. You fudge up in a firefight... and I goddamn guarantee you a trip out of the bush - in a body bag!

Balthazar the Blue: Everybody got to die sometime, Red. I got no fight with any man who does what he's told, but when he don't, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down.

Left to Right: Kipper the Squire, Malekith the Anti-Paladin, Sir Solaire Knight of the Blazing Sun

Three strangers from three teams. Kipper is from the Fellowship Reborn. Malekith is from the Guardians of Gondor. And Solaire is from the Rogues of Rhun.

Kipper the Squire: *looks nervously at the Anti-Paladin* Hi...  um, my name is Kipper. These inter-team meetups are pretty cool eh?

Malekith the Anti-Paladin: Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? Wanna know how I got 'em? So, I stick a razor in my mouth and do this... to myself. And you know what? I can't stand the sight of me! Now I see the funny side. Now, I'm always smiling!

Sir Solaire Knight of the Blazing Sun: Huh. I feel like the Sun is always smiling when it shines in the sky. So happy and warming. Gosh darn it, I'll just come right out and say it... Praise the Sun!

~~~

So those are the test pics and I think they look good.

The Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey Part 3

 The thrilling conclusion of The Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey!

Aly atop the agile and speedy Cosmo easily avoids Vorlock the Death Knight and Vourgha the Night Ogre.

Vorlock the Death Knight: Hey thats not fair! Come back and fight like a... person?

Aly: Well, that was easy. Now that Im out of harm's way. I need you to go back and get the others, ok? Good boy, now fetch!

And Cosmo gets the Dryad on his back while she casts her Entangle spells to root their enemies in place.

Blossom: Immobulus! Stupefy!

Vourgha the Night Ogre: Gruuuu!

And then Istriya next is up and away. Cosmo considers being an taxi service in his spare time.

Toby the Necromancer: The boss isnt going to like this at all! What kind of witch are you! You should be on our side! And you, screamer demon! Youre a creature of the Chaos god Tzeentch!

And Cosmo keeps going back like Forrest Gump looking for his pals Bubba and Lieutenant Dan.

Until at last, Zorelle is the last to step off the field of battle, like any good general should.

Zorelle: So long, suckers! Tell your boss, we will deal with you guys later!

Toby the Necromancer: Not if we see you first!

Zorelle: We got ninja skills. You wont see us coming. Bye!

Toby the Necromancer: Last word freak!

Zorelle: Am not!

Toby the Necromancer: Childish!

Zorelle: One last thing... no takebacks, no safety, no do-overs. *blows raspberries*

And finally the girls make it back to their secret hero hideout to find Kyra the Banshee back from vacation, waiting for them.

Kyra the Banshee: I had the strangest feeling while I was sunbathing in Belfalas. Anyway. What did I miss?

Cosmo drinks water from a fountain. He sure got thirsty after all that taxi-ing. And Blossom places something in the fountain.

Blossom the Dryad: There you go, little twig. Soak up water and sunshine and miracle-grow. Let me sing to you the song of our people...

Meanwhile, in Dol Goldur... Sister Trinity resurrects Dark Pomona.

Sister Pomona: Did we accomplish the mission? Where are Istriya, Aly, Zorelle, and Alice?

Sister Trinity: It seems, in your anger from the poison fever... you killed them all.

Sister Pomona: Nooooooooo.....

So there are insidious machinations at work in the upper echelons of Gondor. An emergency council has been called in the White Tower and Inquisitor Wizards have been given emergency powers to enforce martial law for a brighter and safer future for Gondor.

~

Sister Trinity was reading from a book called "The Cold Ruinous Murder of E.R." Which of course is... Death Frost Doom... by Edward Raggi. So yeah, this battle scenario is roughly based on Death Frost Doom by Edward Raggi for Lamentations of the Flame Princess which is similar to  the hijinks of Bruce Campbell vs the Army of Darkness (Evil Dead 3). Of course we add our mish-mash fluff to it. A dash of Star Wars prequels, Forrest Gump, and now a dash of Warhammer 40k...

So, the Radical faction of the Sisterhood of Sigmar are plotting to defeat the coming age of endless warfare and the laughter of dark gods, by killing the Emperor Sigmar who has been comatose for a millenia, sitting on his Corpse Throne. They want to free him from his prison shell body and let him be reborn to lead humanity to a glorious new age. If Sigmar is not slain and reborn, the worlds future will be only war in the grim dark. So, will Pomona turn to the Dark Side or remain faithful to the Puritan faction of the Sisterhood? Stay tuned! #TeamTrinity #TrinityWasRight

Music played during the battle: various Bardcore, then Ufomammut

Cheers,

Mar

The Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey Part 2

 Here is part 2 of The Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey...

Aly reaches the altar and a glow surrounds the area. Aly's hair stands on end and a rising choral crescendo is heard in the air. The altar has symbols drawn in fresh blood and scattered around it are the charred remains of the missing Gondorian task force. Does Aly search the altar further?

Aly: I feel like someone just stepped on my grave. *sees a message in blood on the altar* It says "betray". What does that mean?

Aly is surrounded by Ghosts.

Aly: I got an arrow for each of you! You want some? Wont someone come save us from this ghostly tidal wave?

Back at the Abbey, Sister Trinity continues to study the book while Blossom and Istriya blast the Ghosts. The Ghosts find it difficult to attack and hit them as they are on high ground.

Zorelle: Ok lets help clear the ground floor of the Abbey! Alice... smash!

And Mad Alice charges into the Ghosts using her Berserk Charge ability. And as the Abbey is finally secured, Sister Trinity finishes reading the incantations in the book and a glimmer passes from the sky down to the ground, signalling that some ancient spell has been nullified. The ground rumbles as an army of the dead rises not only here, but everywhere in Middle Earth. A Night Haunt Apocalypse has been triggered. Its Ghoul-A-Go-Go across the lands! Sister Trinity gives a villainous laugh.

Zorelle: No! Villainous laugh? Traitor! *points at Sister Trinity* What next a villainous monologue?

Sister Trinity: There are corruptions in the Gondorian Senate, you should know the truth as I have.

Zorelle: The truth?

Sister Trinity: The truth. What if I told you that the Republic is now under the control of a Dark Lord of the Sith?

Zorelle:: No, that's not possible! The High Council of the White Tower would be aware it!

Sister Trinity: The Dark Side of the Force has clouded their vision, my friend. Hundreds of senators are now under the influence of an Outer Mythos God called Nyarlathotep the Crawling Chaos.

Zorelle:: I dont believe you.

Sister Trinity: The Steward of Gondor was once in league with the King in Yellow but was betrayed in the war for Eriador. He came to me for help; he told me everything. You must join me, and together we will destroy the Mythos!

Zorelle:: I will never join you.

Sister Trinity: It may be difficult to secure your release.

An Easterling Death Knight and skeletons march out of the woods towards the Abbey.

Easterling Death Knight: You dogs move! You miserable bags of bones! Pick yourselves up and sally fo... sally forth.

Then a deep roar and a strange crooning is heard. Cosmo the many-eyed Screamer of Tzeentch (and Aly's missing pet) comes into view along with Truffles the Tree-Kin Elder (and Blossom the Dryad's last remaining orchard companion) Aly and Blossom cheer for joy as they see them arrive.

Truffles the Tree-Kin Elder: Hoom hrum! Today is a good day to learn to be hasty! *nods at Cosmo* Thanks for finding me and leading me here. Somehow you knew our help was needed. Come, strange chaos creature friend! Lets save all our other friends! I promised to keep them safe and that is what we will do!~

Cosmo's lightning fast movemnt rate brings him right to his master in a flash.

Aly: Cosmo! I knew it! You came back to me. *jumps atop her pet* Stop making a maniac out of me! Still, Im glad you are here! Now lets pepper these enemies with arrows and your whip lash tail!

But Truffles is slow and the skeletons gang up on him while Blossom the Dryad watches in horror. Zorelle and Alice are not close enough to help.

Truffles the Tree-Kin Elder: I will tank you all to save my friends!

As Istriya prepares to attack the traitorous Sister Trinity she teleportkeys away with the body of the fallen Pomona. While Blossom the Dryad climbs down from the Abbey and runs toward the Tree-Kin Elder.

Sister Trinity: We may meet again, witch. Farewell!

Istriya uses her Chain Lightning spell to fry a bunch of skellies, but not before Truffles in chopped down. Blossom gets to the fallen tree, reaches down, takes something from Truffles and hides it away. Then she blasts more skeletons with her spells.

Suddenly, another group of villains appear. And they look serious. Very serious. At the last minute, Azrogorgon the Demon Lord of Beasts gets a telepathic message.

Azrogorgon: Sorry boys, I gotta take this. But... *points at the heroes* Slay them! Leave none alive!

Toby the Necromancer: Sure thing, Boss! We got this.

Meanwhile...

Zorelle: Ok, mission objectives have changed. The White Tower must learn about the events that took place here! At least one of us has to escape! Now... lets go!

Next post: The conclusion of the Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey.

The Battle Of Noctzehrerberg Abbey Part 1

 At long last, the post is here where we continue the adventures of Istriya, Aly, Alice, and Zorelle. And of course, Cosmo the Screamer of Tzeentch and Blossom the Dryad. But also Sister Trinity and Pomona. Mr Joe P. is the hero player for this game while I play the monsters in this wargame-RPG-lite hybrid scenario.

Without further ado, lets get right to the story.

In a forest in the province of Sylvania, a band of mercenaries (mercenarettes? female adventurers for hire) await the delegates from the White Tower...

Left to Right: Aly the Elf, Istriya the Witch, Zorelle of Minas Tirith, and Mad Alice of Lake Town.

Istriya: Where did Kyra say she was going to vacation?

Zorelle: Well, she did say that after working long hours at Gringotts for decades she needed to chill someplace that served pina coladas.

Istriya: There is a Rainforest Smoothie Joint in East Osgiliath thats pretty good. But the view isnt all that good, I mean Minas Ithil is right across the river.

Zorelle: No, I think Kyra wants an exotic view to go with her drink. I believe she said she wanted to see the Bay of Belfalas. Its swan season. Anyway, we are on our own for this mission. Aly are you still moping back there?

Istriya: Yup. She is pining over her lost pet Cosmo, again. This time he ran after a speeding jackalope. They were last seen heading north along the Anduin.

Aly: *sighs* Its not supposed to be this way. I raised Cosmo since he was a tadpole.

Zorelle: Hey. Shake it off. Rub some dirt on it. We're all in strung out shape, but stay frosty. I want this thing to go smooth and by the numbers! These Sisters of Sigmar that are coming will be accompanying us on this quest.

Left to Right: Istriya, Alice, Sister Trinity

Sister Trinity: Good Morr to you. (Editor: Morr = god of death, also worshipped in the Empire)

Alice: *raises hand* Is this going to be a  stand-up fight or a bughunt?

Sister Trinity: All we know is there is still no contact with the first team that was sent to investigate, and that a xenomorph may be involved.

Istriya: Its a bughunt. I hope. I got some spells for an Ankheg Motel. They check in, but they dont check out!

Sister Pomona: *notices the moody she-elf* Whats up, buddy?

Aly: I have no purpose. Im just a pet owner. The world is full of pet owners.

Sister Pomona: If you love someone, set them free. A wise Harkonnen said that once.

And off go our heroes. As the heroes reach the village nearest to the Abbey, they find the villagers hesitant to talk about the cursed Abbey which they claim has been a place of evil where cultists gather and perform dark rituals. Sister Trinity think the villagers themselves are possibly the cultists and tells the heroes not to trust them and to stay alert. None of the villagers will guide them to the site but they point the heroes in the direction of the ruins of the Abbey.

Again to recap, here is the Scenario Summary:

Summary
Recently a Gondorian special task force was sent to the ruins of the Abbey of Noctzehrerberg in the province of Sylvania. They have gone missing and havent been heard from for over a month. That team was sent to investigate disturbing rumors of cult activity in that area. The heroes are now tasked to discover the fate of the missing team. The Sisters of Sigmar send Sister Trinity and her apprentice Pomona to accompany the heroes. As the heroes reach the village nearest to the Abbey, they find the villagers hesitant to talk about the cursed Abbey which they claim has been a place of evil where cultists gather and perform dark rituals. Sister Trinity think the villagers themselves are the cultists and tells the heroes not to trust them. They find a hermit who lives at the edge of the village who points the heroes in the direction of the ruins of the Abbey.

Board Setup
Table size is 22" x 30". Place an altar touching a 22" edge at its center. Place a menhir (standing stone) in the center of the game board. Place a treasure chest 8" away from the altar in the direction of the menhir. Around the board are some 6" clusters of terrain - ruins, trees, and rocks. Each player takes turns placing down 1 such area each. No cluster of terrain can be in 2" of other terrain.

Deployment
The heroes (4 heroes and Blossom the Dryad) and the 2 Sisters of Sigmar deploy on the 22" edge furthest away from the altar. Nothing else is on the board at the start of the game.

Reinforcements
See DM Only info.

Special Rules
See DM Only info.

Victory Conditions
See DM Only info.

The girls have divided into two teams. Aly, Zorelle, and Alice take the southern route to the abbey. Aly is on point. She takes the high ground and surveys the area ahead.

Zorelle: Alice, do you think those villagers are part of this cult? Maybe they have something to do with the missing Gondorian Team.

Mad Alice: I dont know, but the Abbey of Noctzehrerberg is just up ahead.

Istriya's team reaches the menhir (standing stone). It is covered in a language that none of the heroes or Sisters of Sigmar can understand. Istriya can search the stone further. She does and it springs some sort of magical trap that sends a shimmer of energy up into the air with a hum.

Istriya: Oh for shame!

Sister Pomona: I wonder what that did?

(Editor: The hero player was asked if they wanted to search the location further. And the trap was sprung. A silent alarm was set off and now d6 Ghosts will appear from a random direction every turn.)

Sister Trinity and Pomona next come upon a treasure chest. Inside the treasure chest is a book entitled "The Cold Ruinous Murder Of E.R.". Sister Trinity is the only one present who can translate the ancient language the book is written in. The book is a series of incantations. If Sister Trinity can study the book for 6 turns without being interrupted she can nullify the powerful magic that surrounds the area.

Pomona decides she will search the treasure chest further. A poison trap is sprung. Pomona is poisoned!

Meanwhile, Zorelle, Aly and Alice get to the standing stone.

Alice: Boss, we're not alone. *points at Ghosts* They are here.

Zorelle: Those things are fast. And ethereal. Terrain doesnt slow them down. Lets hold them off and buy time for Istriya to figure things out at the Abbey.~

Istriya and Blossom head into the ruins of the Abbey. Sister Trinity and Pomona follow. Pomona feels feverish.

Istriya gets to the upper level of the Abbey.

Istriya: This is a good spot to defend. *sees graffiti on the wall* It says "Frank was here..." I wonder if Frank was part of the missing team?

Blossom the Dryad: We are so high. I think I can see my house from here!

Pomona collapses from the poison and is knocked out of the game. Trinity heads upstairs so she can begin studying the book.

 Ghosts attack the the Abbey! Istriya is wounded, but she fires back with a bolt of Lightning. And Blossom uses herself as a focal point to summon the Fury of the Forest which batters a Ghost off the wall.

Istriya: You Ghosts think you can come into Frank's place?

Blossom: This is Frank's place. Stay out of Frank's place. Dont ever come into Frank's place again!

Next post: Part 2 of the Battle of Noctzehrerberg Abbey.

 

 

 

 

The Guardians of Gondor - More Darksword Minis by Tom Meier!

Here is yet another hero party, preparing to go gallivanting in our version of Middle Earth. They are Tom Meier sculpts from Darksword Miniatures - wonderful characterful sculpts, as usual from Darksword and Mr Meier. As far as the blog fluff goes, they are a new party of adventurers called The Guardians of Gondor. And no, there is no talking tree or rodent or green people here (though in our campaign world; Ents are talking trees, Skaven are talking rodents, and Orcs and Gobbos and Squigs evolved from alien spores from outer space). Being a new team they are still practicing delving in a low-level area to hone their underground dungeoneering skills. Oh, and look at my new backdrop that I made for cavern areas. I think it goes well with my Dwarven Forge mountain terrain.

Here is Adeline the torch bearer, Prince Arioch of the Grey Haven Sea Elves, and Mordecai the butler (and on his base is Trinny the familiar!)

Adeline: I think we might have made a wrong turn.

Prince Arioch: *brushing dirt from his cape* We did. As soon as we entered this dismal cave. Elves do not appreciate having to walk under the earth.

Mordecai: Dont worry there, Prince Arioch. We are almost at the exit of these Caves of Aglarond. Master Balthazar assures me that this is good training for our newly formed team. It will prepare us for our future adventures in Moria, Gundabad, or Cirith Ungol.

Trinny: Mieh! Eyeh. Waaaeh. Mie gie gie mie blup blup, weh. worgah, mieh!

 Here is Lenore the Valkyrie, Karnov the Barbarian, and Malekith the Dark Paladin.

Lenore the Valkyrie: This is such a trash mob low-level dungeon. Its beneath us to be here.

Karnov the Barbarian: I agree. Nothing worthy to behead here, but I hear we might be relocating soon. Somewhere dangerous and dark. I also hear there are older and fouler things than Orcs, in the deep places of the world.

Malekith: They shall all drown in lakes of blood! Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark. Now they learn why they fear the night.

Lenore the Valkyrie: *whispering to Karnov* Poor Malekith... He isnt all up there, is he? His parents were murdered by Orcs. Now he has made himself vengeance personified.

Malekith: *monologue to future Orc adversaries* You think darkness is your ally. You've merely adapted the dark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see the light until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.

 Here is McGirk the sellsword, and Balthazar the blue wizard.

McGirk: Sir, I think we got lost in our own practice dungeon! We have to camp here for a bit and rest. Hopefully some of the other members of the team find us.

Balthazar the Blue: Hey kid, you sleep up there in the ruin. Im getting old, fixing to die at any time. If I kick off in the middle of the night... youre on your own.

McGirk: -.-

 Balthazar and his butler Mordecai. (And his familiar Trinny!)

Balthazar the Blue: Ahh... Mordecai! And Trinny! Ive been waiting for you to find us. It was a test to see if your dungeon navigation skills are up to snuff.

Mordecai: Very good, sir. I think the team is as ready as they are going to get. Has the White Tower given any hint about where our first quest will take us?

Balthazar the Blue: There is alot of chatter. Cultists in Eryn Vorn, unruly Trolls in Rhudaur, White Walkers at Craster's Keep. Oh there is a real exotic quest in Hippopotamia.

Mordecai: Did you say Mesopotamia?

Balthazar the Blue: No, Hippo. Hippopotamia. Land of the Hippo-men. Its 800 miles north by southeast.

Mordecai: How do we get there?

Balthazar the Blue: Well, first you gotta...
"Ride ride ride ride
Ride the tiger
down the river
Euphrates
Dead sea make it float
One sip from the salty wine
Dead sea make you choke
Ride ride ride ride
Ride the tiger"

Closeup of Trinny the dire penguin familiar!
For Trinny audio sounds go here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Su-N1O6Nijw

~~~

Ahh, a nice Pixies reference on the blog. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy. And yes, Hippopotamia is going to be a destination here on the blog! Silliness, you say? For shame, sirs and madames! Hippos are nothing to be laughed/sneeezed at.

So, there you have it. New meat to go through the meat grinder. And yes I expect there will be blood this weekend. One of two, or perhaps both battle reports will decide the futures of Istriya and friends. But also Tuddles and Shrub Beard and friends. Carnage and mayhem battle reports are coming in the next couple of days! Its like D-Day for this blog.  I will see you on the beach!

Cheers,

Mar