The conclusion to the Battle of the Knackerton Prison Camp!
Rattlebones stands victorious on a heap of dead Orcs.Oh, he's strong, this kid. He's tempered friggin' steel.
But another wave of enemies approach. But this time, its 2 Bugbears and 2 Orcs!
As the battle with the Bugbears continues, even more Orcs arrive from the eastern canyon!
Azrogorgon the DemonLord of Beasts arrives! His two heads seem to be in the middle of a conversation.
Monkeyhead #1: One door leads to the center of the labyrinth and the other one leads to... certain death.
Monkeyhead #2: One of us always tells the truth and one of us always lies. Thats one of the rules. *points and whispers* He always lies.
Both Monkeyheads: Oh nevermind! There's heroes here that need eating! Its feeding time! Monkey house! Ooo! OOO! Ooo!
The eagles are coming! Oh, no its just the Woses. What?! The Woses are coming! Woo hoo! Looks like Goldberry's telepathic summons for help got to somebody afterall.
Wose Chief : *speaking in tribal Wose* See? The Valar arent crazy after all! The voice in my head WAS real. We must help these people and that lady on the white horse! She must be one of the Valar that spoke to me.
Goldberry *mutters under her breath* Impersonating deities is not ideal, and I have no golden droid to levitate around to impress the natives *clears throat and gives her best impression of a royal decree* Woses! Hear me! Slay the orcs, save the Hobbits!
Woses lives matter, but not for this scenario's victory conditions. For a Hero Victory, at least 7 hobbits must escape via teleport and at least half the heroes.
Wose Chief: *speaking in tribal Wose* No worries, mate. Woses infiltrated themselves in, we can exfiltrate ourselves out. Still, it kinda hurts to be excluded from the victory conditions, doesnt it?
Some Woses take out the Orcs chasing the Hobbits.
Scout Master Hotpie: Thanks for your timely arrival!
Wose: *speaking in tribal Wose*
Scout Master Hotpie: *speaking slowly and enunciating* Thank... you... for... your... help...
Wose: *speaking in tribal Wose*
Scout Master Hotpie: Ok, they dont speak Common. Here... *hands a Pie to the Wose*
Wose: *excitedly speaking in tribal Wose*
Scout Master Hotpie: Food. Its the universal language!
The Tomb King Mummy is slain by Sir Solaire and the Woses.
The Wose Chief escorts the heroes to the Tele-Port-Key statue
Some Woses get to the high ground to get lines of sight for their bow fire. An Orc climbs up as well and gets an arrow in his face for his effort!
Another Wose takes out an Orc headed for Xanthia the Ice Witch at the statue. How did that Orc get past our defenses!
More Orcs assault the high ground! One Orc gets revenge on a Wose. The battle for the overlook cliffs is on!
Orc: Come and play with us, Woses. Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in. Not by the hair of your chiny-chin-chin? Well then I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in.
Alpha slays a Bugbear. The other Bugbears are wary of charging Goldberry.
Alpha: That'll teach ya. And next time, put some goshdarn pants on!
The Woses have escorted the Hobbits to the statue with a waiting Xanthia.
Turnips the Hobbit Witch: Get to da choppa! And dont forget to free the baby dragon from the east cellblock!
Xanthia: Its about time! Ive been holding this spell at the ready and my hands are cramping! Hurry up! Get everyone in range of the teleport zone! (6" area of effect from statue base)
Alpha uses a Disintegration Bolt and fries two orcs up high. The shot rips through one Orc and hits the other orc behind him! The both disappear in a shower of sparkly particles!
Alpha: Ive been waiting so long for my Disintegration Bolts to actually hit something! The payoff was worth the wait.
The Woses above give a Shaka (hang loose) handsign in thanks to Alpha.
Goldberry fails two saves and has 1 wound left!
Goldberry: This is just like the last game I was in. Im almost always on the verge of certain death! Is it because of my sparkly horse? Or my pretty dress? I think it might be that my horse and I have matching horn accessories. Evil hates us, because they aint's us...
Kano and Zoltar herd the Hobbits, the Woses, and everyone else into the extraction zone.
Xanthia: Is this everyone?! I dont know how much longer I can hold this spell.
Kano: Not yet! We just need a few more Hobbits...
Zoltar: Its a tight fit. Hobbits, tuck in your bellies and make more room for everyone!
Azrogorgon rounds the corner and everyone stares at him in silence. Even the Orcs and Bugbears are quietly watching.
Rattlebones is the closest hero.
It falls to him to make the ultimate sacrifice...
Rattlebones: Dont count me out just yet...
And with a sound thrashing of his tentacles, Azrogorgon easily knocks out Rattlebones...
Rattlebones: *weakly mumbling* ok... count me... out...
Rattlebones has bought the heroes the time they needed to escape. 5 hobbits in, 6... 7! Thats it, victory conditions are achieved!
Azrogorgon sees Goldberry and the two have a moment.
Goldberry: You've lost this game, Demonlord. Sometimes the truth is painful, but its made your cheeks all rosy and your eyes as bright as stars.
Azrogorgon: You are harboring known terrorists. Give them back and I wont hunt you for all eternity.
Goldberry: You were going to enlave these innocent Hobbits!
Azrogorgon: Its our job to cull Hobbits. Their population grows exponentially. You know... they eat 6 meals a day, not counting snacks? Its an awful number of chickens. Its a chicken apocalypse. Every. Day. And if it isnt chickens, its anything they can eat - which is everything! The world isnt big enough to fill their Hobbit bellies. Since you heroes wont make the hard choices, for the sake of the planet. Mordor will.
Goldberry: Im sure we will find a way to solve this Hobbit problem. Without having resort to barbarism. Lets just agree to disagree... *turns to Xanthia* Alrighty, Ice Witch, beam us out of here!
Xanthia: About time... I hope this works.
And all the remaining heroes, Hobbits and Woses in the zone vanish in a flash of light...
Azrogorgon: So, you have chosen... death.
There are 2 Hobbits and 3 Woses that didnt get to the teleport zone, but that ok. The victory conditions were met. These fellows will have to trek their way back to safety.
Woses: Come hobbits, this way... Woses show you the sneaky secret paths through the swamps.
Hobbit: Did I just understand this Wose? You can talk in the Common all this time? I knew it! Oh very sneaky...
The Woses just shake their heads and chuckle.
Azrogorgon: Some heroes, eh? Those fools forgot to free you, baby blue dragon!
Baby Blue Dragon: *whimpers*
Hellgirl Luka: Thank the Balrogs! At least I still got my pet dragon!
So Stroika passes her survival roll, but Rattlebones... fails! Its permadeath for poor Rattlebones! Still, he died a good death.
So there you have it. The battle of the Prison Camp, obviously, was inspired by Uncommon Valor. And Rattlebones, I guess was Sailor. And Rattlebones, like Sailor, went out like a warrior. Thats him kungfu dancing at the end with his potbelly hanging out.
Im going to have to start merging hero teams or painting up new models. Theres been alot of hero deaths lately... which is a good thing, I need to wittle down the unpainted miniature pile of shame. And theres plenty of Tom Meier Dark Sword Minis still to collect and paint up!
Oh and in honor of Rattlebones/Sailor we have this: https://youtu.be/SmfEIGViDeI?t=55
Bonus End Scene:
Zoltar the Enchanter: We aint done yet. Still got unfinished business, we are coming back for vengeance. We come for you, Azrogorgon! This time... we are doin it... for Johnny!
Kano: Umm, his name was Rattlebones, sir.
Zoltar the Enchanter: Whatever! He sends one of ours to the hospital, we send one of his to the morgue.
Kano: They actually KILLED Rattlebones.
Zoltar the Enchanter: They did? I saw him dancing with his big potbelly at the end? How did he do that if he was dead?
Kano: I think it was creative license for the end credits. You know... like a flashback, of sorts.
Zoltar the Enchanter: At any rate, saddle up regulators, we got regulating to do. They dont call us the Inglorious Orphans for nothing.
Kano: Bastards, sir.
Zoltar the Enchanter: Lets not get personal, buddy.
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