The Battle Of Redhorn Pass (Caradhras) Part 1

 So the day of battle arrived when Mr Joe P left his native lands of Springs O'Silver (a subdivision in the Marienburgher province of Marienland) and travelled some 15 miles as the crow flies, as Gandalf would say. Perhaps more, Mr Grey Wizard sir. One thing the wiz is right about, is that the board is set and the pieces are moving... right here in my basement room. Battle is upon us here, once again on the Moria Reclamation blog.

Mr Joe P will be in command of the forces of Good - the New Fellowship (boo, hiss!) and I would command the forces of Evil - Bull Ogres, Ghosty Chainrasps,  some Crypt Terrors aka Nosferatus in bestial form, and possibly an old adversary or two from days of yore on this blog's list of known villains.

So the only update/change to the pre-game summary (see last post)  is:

As the PCs start the game, Tuddles reads from the Book of Pickles. It says, "The Statue of Bugman's Tomb holds the updated passcode for entering Moria. Respect the honored fallen and touch nothing but the statue." 

And that last bit is... "vital" to this scenario (perhaps not to space travel... Spice is. And maybe a Bill Shatner overcome with emotion. No, you say... not really? The man needed a hug after going up in a rocket, man... he's burning up his fuse out there alone,.Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids, In fact it's cold as hell, And there's no one there to raise them, If you did)

Oh and a new rule that should come in useful.

Addendum: -1 to Leadership rolls for each adjacent enemy when trying to step out of close combat (base to base contact with enemy). Or in D&D terms, its the Oldhammer version of the 5' step back rule, but here you can move a full distance if you succeed that roll.

Enough with my frivolous banter and let's onwards to the Battle Report...

 

So the Fellowship splits up in 2 mobs, one with (left to right) Lady Elerina, Haystacks, Tuddle, Baron Orson, and Shrub Beard.

And the other mob with (left to right) Kipper the Squire , Poppy, Paladin Cosette, Mortimer the Brown, and Anais.

Baron Orson: Will somebody get this walking topiary out of my way!

Shrub Beard: Hoooommmmm Mrglmrglmrglmrglmrgl   

Mortimer the Brown: Shrub Beard says you remind him of a Murloc. Oh and you should let the Shambling Mound win... they've been known to rip people's arms out of their socket.

Baron Orson: Dont you mean Mynocks? Murlocs are a different IP altogether. 

 Mortimer: No. the mrglmrglmrglmrglmrgl sound is definitely Murloc-ian. Murloc-ese? Murloc-speak.

Lady Elerina: Lead the way, Hobbit!

Haystacks: Preferably the way with the least amount of things we have to fight... I really dont like killing things.

Tuddle: Um... Ok. I will do my best?

Lady Elerina: That is a sign, young Hobbit, of a very dangerous warrior. Those blessed with martial abilities never feel the need to use them... or prove them. I will watch over your career with great interest, warrior.

Mortimer the Brown: Im glad you are with us, Lady Anais.

Anais: Just call me Anais, Im no Lady. Im a bodyguard to a Lady, though.

Mortimer the Brown: Well Im glad you are guarding our bodies, then.

Anais: Was that some kind of sexist joke, you dirty old wizard?

Mortimer the Brown: Oh my word. No! No. I only meant to lighten the mood... Um...

Anais: Mood? What kind of  "mood" do you want me to be in?>

Mortimer:  Oh Valar help me. I only meant...

Anais: Relax, boomer.  See... I can joke too when Im not lopping goblin heads off for fun.

Mortimer: *wipes his forehead with his sleeve*  Oh... ha.  ha.  hahaha... good one.

Kipper: So, I dont think Ive ever met a Hobbit Herbologist before. I have great reverence for medics. Especially when heading into battle. My mother always said to make friends with those who can name healing herbs as their friends.

Poppy: Oh. Im not a people doctor. I usually treat farm animals back in the Shire. But people... animals... whats the difference? Amirite?

Cosette: I knew I should have taken some elective classes in "healing hands" in Paladin School.

And so one group passes by a mausoleum (and the DM makes those in range roll LD tests)

Cosette and Poppy see something shiny. Something glittering in the darkness of the mausoleum.

Poppy: I cant quite make out what that is...

Cosette: Its the briefcase in Pulp Fiction! Its a McGuffin of some sort... I think I remember someone saying he stuck this uncomfortable hunk of metal up his...  Oh wait, no that was Punchy's watch. Lets get closer and take a look.

Mortimer: Wait, this smells of a trapish nature. Watch out for big rolling rocks that might chase and crush us! If only we had better eyesight somehow.

Anais: Uh... Im elvish? *points to her eyes* Infravision, yo... Anyways, there is a treasure chest in there. A shiny gold treasure chest. If the chest is made of gold, what do you think is inside it? Most be a Dwarf thing of some value.

The other team comes upon a similar mausoleum as well...

Shrub Beard: Hoooomph tinktinktink... tink.

Baron Orson: Thats exactly what I was thinking also, Tree. I think Im getting your language slowly. Lets loot this thing already!

Tuddles: Wait!  NO! dont touch it. Remember the book said "Respect the Dead. Touch nothing but  the Statue!" This is that part in Aladdin where those thieves touched the gold in the Cave of Wonders and bad things happened!

Elerina: I better use my Mind-Speak spell and tell the Wizard's team to not touch anything!

So with that done... the Fellowship move on. And start hearing faint whispery voices and one low grumbling voice. And so they creep ahead and...

They overhear an Ogre speaking to 2 Chainsrasp Nighthaunts. The PCs see them, but the monsters dont see them back, yet.

Ogre: Now remembers... da Boss says to snatch da hobbits and theys book.

Chainrasp Ghost #1: Wwwhaaat abouttttt theeeeee othersssss...?

Ogre: Smash dem up really good and turns dem into fine powder to put into soup. Heh heh. Humie soup... Yum fer us. *looks at his ghosty companions* Well fer me.  I aint had proper meat in days.

Ghost #2: *raises hand*  Escuse meeeee, misterrrrrr Ogrrrrrrrre. Butttt loooook thereeee.... Iiiiii spyyyyyy withhhhhh myyyyy litttllllleeee undeadddddd eyeeee socketttt...

Before the Ghost can finish his witty remark (for a ghost that is) suddenly...

Shrub Beard comes barreling in and hammers his branchy fists into the Ogre. And right beside him the fighter from Ringlo Vale - Haystacks swings his sword into the Chainrasps, tearing them apart like paper... smoke-like paper....  burnt paper - that is turning into smoke... (oh you get my point)

The other team runs into Ogre trouble as well!

Anais: Everyone get behind me~! I am a bodyguard afterall! Carry on the mission without me!

Kipper: Im from Rohan... we leave no one behind! Or in front... you are walking point for us. And Im a caddy... errrr... I mean squire! We help heroes and all that.Which sword do you need? A five Iron? Wait, no... this beastie is a big 'un! you need a composite, something with titanium... I'll be right back, Cosette has just the sword needed to beat this thing.

Anais: I got my Rivendell Needle right here. *draws her sword*

Mortimer and Poppy make it to the target Statue.

Poppy: Oh man... I feel bad leaving Anais like that. That Ogre looks like trouble.

Mortimer: Well, Kipper and Cosette are with her. Im sure they will be ok. Lets wait here for the other team to arrive then some of us will head back to help.

Meanwhile, looks like they arent alright afterall like Mortimer said...

Cosette: Where did all these ghosts come from? 

Kipper: These things are fast. I need to get back to Anais!

At that moment, a loud thunderous sound is heard. As if the very fabric of space and time were being rent asunder! Some thing or things are clawing their way into our dimension.

A giant portal, some would call it a Dimension Door, others would call it a Baleful Realmgate, opens up and out pour five beings from the Plane of Elemental Fire!

And then a Voice booms out saying:  Heroes, we have seen you! We have watched you! For a Thousand years we have watched you! Who among you still fears death? Who will not face emptiness? You have chosen to honor the dead and so... the Azer Fyreslayers will join your side in battle!

Poppy: Fire Elementals!  The Dwarves must have hired them to protect the tombs here. They arent evil they are contractually obligated to perform a task by their employers. Good thing we didnt pilfer those mausoleums. I'd hate to have those things chasing us.

Mortimer the Brown: *surprised look at Poppy* Im glad they are on our side too. But, how does a Hobbit know about Fire Elementals and their ways?

Poppy: When I was younger, me and the braver boys from Brandyhall and Crickhollow would go tomb-raiding into the Barrow Downs and bypass Wight security systems all the time. The Dwarf hackers were called "Legion of Khazad-Doom", and the Stygian hackers were "Legion of Thulsa-Doom", and the Latverian hackers? Yup "Legion of Doctor Doom"

2 Azer Fyreslayers head south towards another Ogre and some ghosts.

They let loose with throwing axes and close into close combat like Tilean legionnaires of old.

And 3 other Azers head West to fight against a Crypt Terror. As is usual with these denizens of the Flesh-Eater Courts, this Crypt Terror lives in a delusion of his former life as a knight of the realm before his current cursed undead state - when his name was once Sir Selmy the Bold, captain of the Kingsguard. 

Sir Selmy the Bold: Defilers!  I will smite thee if you layest a hand on these honorable townspeople. *sees the Azers strike down a chainrasp*  Have at thee, villainous monsters!

But all the Azers hear is this...

Selmy the Crypt Terror: Rarrrrgh!  Gooooorrrrrrrrrrr! Aaaaaannnnnguhhhh....  Yarrrgh!   

Azer: I wonder if this beast has a language? Or is it just making gutteral noises?

Finally the other team arrives at the Statue.

Haystacks: Well here we are Hobbit! I hope you can figure out what we are doing here.

Tuddle: I think I have to find something on this Statue... maybe a secret lever or something...

Poppy: You can do it Tuddle! You are the smartest Hobbit in the Shire!

Mortimer: Ok you guys, we got to go help Anais and the Rohan folk. Baron... will you stay here with Tuddle? And guard him with your life?

Baron Orson: Huh? Oh... yeah sure thing.

As the others leave...

Baron Orson: So do your thing, Hobbit. *wonders what treasures were in those mausoleums*

Tuddle: Hmmm...yeah, ok. I think I should pull the statue's finger. That always works, right?

 And as Mortimer arrives to help Anais, he looks around to find no one else with her. Or with him!

Mortimer the Brown: Lady...  ermmmm I mean Miss Anais! Im here for you! I mean to help you beat it. By it.. I mean the Ogre  *gets ready to be roasted by Anais yet again*

Anais: About time! That Rohan squire took a hit from the Ogre and I havent seen him since. I could use some help!

Mortimer: How about some magical help... in the form of a wash cycle *casts a Rain spell, which causes a little cloud to form over the Ogre's head - raining down on it and making it harder to hit Anais* and now a little drying heat? *casts Piercing Bolt that zaps the Ogre with a Bolt that well.... Pierces it? The laundry is.... done!

The Ogre is stunned and Anais finishes it with a stab. The monster goes down.

Anais: Not bad for a wizard... a little wordy... but not too shabby. *looks around for Kipper* I hope that squire is ok... and my Lady Elerina, too!

 

 

~~~~~

So there is part 1 of this battle report.

Is Kipper the Squire ok? And Lady Elerina? Will Tuddle solve the puzzle of the Statue? Will the Baron watch over Tuddle or look to find something worthy (translation: selfishly profitable)?  And will Mortimer the Brown fire off anymore terrible quips? Seriously did he just use a laundry quip?

Tune in tomorrow for the second part.

 

Cheers,

Mar