Tyrion Lannister and his adventuring companions had been lost for hours in a labyrinth of tunnels and rooms, fighting all kinds of dungeon vermin. In one room, Giant Centipedes had repeatedly bit the backside of Shagga, son of Dolf, making the hill barbarian even more moody than usual. In a dark tunnel, Green Slime had dropped on the back of the neck of Thundarr. Even though Crom had the best of intentions trying to scrape it off with a dagger, it just didnt work. Varys who knew better, used a torch it burn it off. So, Thundarr had dagger cuts on his neck and burnt hairs on the back of his head. He might have been a bit sniffly and a bit weepy as they walked awkwardly through the dark tunnels. Temujin lost one of his favorite swords after smacking a Rust Monster with it. Tyrion could hear the eastern barbarian mumbling something about "wind in his hair and falcons at his wrist".
A giant magical spider called a Tarantella bit Varys on his toe and while Beowulf eventually killed the spider, many of the barbarians laughed as the poison made the plump Varys suddenly spasm and start dancing like a wildman around a bonfire. But the laughter was cut short, as those who watched the pirouetting fatman were magically compelled to also start dancing in the same way. After 5 turns, the dancers ended up collapsing from fatigue. Luckily, they were not in combat at the time. All these minor encounters and misfortunes pushed the burly barbarians to their limit and they began to growl at each other. After finding a room to rest in, what began as a joke about a dancing queen turned into melee. The whole room was full of brawling wounded barbarians with Tyrion trying to pry the brutes apart.
At that moment, the door opened...
Five adventurers enter the room.
Left to Right: Abdul Alhazred the Mad Arab, Radagast the Brown, Halbarad Dunedain the Ranger, Lady Eowyn of Rohan, and her brother Eomer the Marshal of the Riddermark.
The wizard has a lantern on his staff. He raises it, letting its light shine on the barbarians, some of whom are rolling around on the ground.
Radagast: Are we interrupting?
Tyrion: Ummm... our warriors were just... training.
Radagast: Ahh, well. There it is.
Tyrion: Who are you folks and what sort of place is this? We know it is called Moria, but what sort of people live here? Its infested with monsters!
Radagast: I am Radagast the Brown, a wizard. You are a Dwarf, how do you not know what sort of place Moria is?
Tyrion: I am Tyrion Lannister. My fellows and I are not from this err... world.
Radagast: Well, Tyrion Lannister, Moria was once the greatest kingdom of the Dwarves, its proper name is Khazad Dum. It has been lost to Orcs, Undead, Drow, and other nasty creatures for many long years, but just recently Dwarves from everywhere are making a return to recolonize their homeland.
Tyrion: A whole kingdom... of Dwarves? Ive never heard of such a thing. Its wonderful! Where do I find them?
Radagast: Well we entered through the Western Doors, as Im guessing you did too, and seen no other Dwarves. They might be on the Eastern side of Moria, perhaps.
Tyrion: Can we travel with you? We have been lost for hours.
Radagast: Of course, but we are on a mission, ourselves. A cabal of cultists are at work somewhere ahead and we are hunting them. After that, we would be happy to travel together with you eastwards.
Tyrion: Cultists? Sounds dangerous, perhaps my barbarians can help!
Radagast: Perhaps you can, my friend here is Abdul Alhazred. He has been scouting ahead and he can tell us what he has found. Abdul?
Abdul The Mad Arab: (bowing low) Salutations most stunted Dwarf Tyrion, I am the Mad Arab and I have been hunting the evil wizard Rasputin across time and space. I have slain him countless times, only for him to ressurect himself in other places.
"That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die."
Abdul: The most daring and intrepid ranger Halbarad of the North accompanied me as we silently hid in the shadows and crept quietly in the lair of our enemy. He himself was hunting an evil halfling warlock, whom we found to be working with Rasputin.
Abdul: We tracked the halfling wizard and found him. A creature known as the Cloaker carries the halfling, who in turn carries a cat. Who is the true enemy here? Perhaps the feline? I have heard of these things... With them was a Berbalang, a very evil gargoyle-like monster from the farthest east. We could have attacked him, but we hoped he would lead us to Rasputin. And also to determine what their plans were.
Abdul: Further on, they encountered a small pool of water, where a Ghoul and some Zombies were standing guard. The halfling was allowed to pass. I recognized the work of my enemy! These undead were brought back to life by Rasputin. But we were still scouting, and could not pass the Zombies without alerting our enemies.
Abdul: So my trusted friend, Halbarad and I searched the northern tunnel and found a room that had a confluence of sewers pouring into it like a waterfall. And cavorting and undulating in the dark waters were creatures in the shape of men and beast. These... beastmen were standing guard in that room.
Radagast: They are the minions of the witch that I am hunting! The Witch of Mirkwood has twisted men with foul beasts and taught them to walk like men.
Radagast: There is one called the Cobra-man, the Bird-man, and the Fish-man
“Not to go on all-Fours; that is the Law. Are we not Men?"
Radagast: Then there is the Dog-man, The Goat-man, and The Wolf-woman.
“They are mad; they are fools," said the Dog-man.”
Abdul: Also do not forget why the siblings of Rohan accompany us! The most gracious Lady Eowyn of Rohan and Eomer are with us tracking an Orc Shaman. There can be no doubt, that all four of the evil wizards that we are tracking are here! We must uncover why. No doubt, their purpose is altogether evil!
Halbarad: The halfling wizard is known to torture puppies for amusement!
Radagast: The Witch trapped and skinned my favorite squirrel neighbors!
Abdul: Rasputin captures baby bears and makes them walk on giant circus balls!
Eowyn and Eomer: The Orc Shaman turned our ponies into pony pies for his Uruk-Hai warriors!
Properly motivated, Radagast and his hunters allow Tyrion and his adventurers to join forces with them... all except for the most wounded. Beowulf, Thundarr, Squire Podrick, and Varys have to remain behind. Beowulf does not want to stay behind and swears he could still be useful in a fight, but he eventually passes out from his wounds and fatigue. Podrick as well, is adamant to accompany Tyrion. He is a loyal squire, after all. But Tyrion convinces him, by telling him that he is in charge of the wounded and that their safety depends on him. Podrick grudgingly accepts.
Halbarad the northern ranger, then takes some Athelas leaves and makes some healing bandages for them. Abdul the Mad Arab leaves a small pot with burning herbs that fills the room with a healing smoke. They secure the doors and leave the wounded to rest.
Halbarad leads them east along the corridor where they had followed the halfling wizard. Radagast's lantern not only casts a magical blue light that helps them see where they are going, but also doesnt alert enemies ahead. Very handy for stealthy missions! Tyrion takes out both his sword and bow, trying to decide which is most appropriate to keep readied. Behind him, Shagga is anxious to find an enemy to vent his recent frustrations on.
Abdul the Mad Arab: Be careful, friend Eomer... these beasts have very great senses that may detect us.
Eomer: I hope they detect us. I would rather we fight in loud glorious battle, than all this sneaking about.
Crom: Hey, babe... look, we use the same stance with our swords. You like big swords?
Eowyn: (facepalms) You know what they say about big swords...
Crom: You make me want to be a better man?
Eowyn: When you first entered the dungeon, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
Crom: We live in a cynical world. You... complete me?
Eowyn: Sorry, you dont have me at "hello".
Crom: NO, I dont think I will kiss you, although you need kissing badly?
Eowyn: Frankly, my dear, I dont give a...
Crom: Aw, c'mon, I was voted most likely to become a Deity in my class!
Temujin: All my life, riding horses on the open steppes. Now its dungeons this... and caverns that. Underground tunnels are no place for a nomad. Ever since we entered this place, I got a rash on my...
Maester Qyburn: Yeah, I got an ointment for that. (tosses him a potion)
Eowyn and Crom move up and join with the others in the east. The party is trying to decide whether to attack the zombies in the eastern tunnel or the beastmen in the northern room.
Tyrion: Zombies are slow. Better chance to kill zombies without one of them running away and waking up the whole place!
Everyone agrees with him. Radagast reviews his spellbook: he has Charm, Sleep, and a Web spell memorized. Halbarad tells him that he, Eowyn, and Shagga could take the Zombies easily. Radagast agrees and decides not to use his spells just yet, he must save them for a good occassion.
Halbarad rushes in and backstabs the Ghoul for double damage.
But it remains standing!
Crom smashes his sword over a swamp zombie with a squishy sound. Meanwhile, Lady Eowyn squares off against a Mummy (just a Zombie with another HD). Halbarad gets some help, as Shagga brings his axe to the battle with the Ghoul.
The Undead are all returned to their "dead" dead state. Eowyn has taken light wounds, nothing serious. But Shagga is severely wounded. The party inspect the north and east tunnels and see if any enemies might have heard the scuffle.
Tyrion: (whispers) Crom... what do you see?
Crom: We must not go this way. Unless we have to. It smells bad. If in doubt, always follow your nose. There are Orcs ahead. Wait... I can see...
Crom: I see evil dark winged beasts. Some Orcs... and they have a Cave Troll. They seem to be gathered around a rock and playing a game spitting at it! Stupid beasts... but dangerous, nonetheless.
In the north, Halbarad and Eowyn see two choices. A tunnel that runs north and a low dark tunnel that looks a bit damp, the sound of dripping water can be heard as well.
Shagga, despite his injuries, has taken it upon himself to stack the dead bodies in a corner.
Tyrion: How are your wounds, Shagga?
Shagga: Its just a flesh wound...
Tyrion: Well done, Shagga. Remind me to buy you some goats when we get out of here.
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